If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
