If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
