Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
