Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
