All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
