We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
