Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
