u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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