Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
