ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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