I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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