I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
