He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
