but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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