kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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