Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
