weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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