Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
