Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
