I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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