did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
