Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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