Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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