if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
