i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
