I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
