A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
