my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is my gift to your gina
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
