The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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