I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
