So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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