I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
