tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
