Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
