He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
