i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
