Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
