Kiss
Puke
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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