I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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