words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
