I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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