Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
