she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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