she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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