Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
