those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
