He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
