had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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