Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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