You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
