I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
