I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
